I created this blog after finding out some news from my neurologist. It was difficult to swallow, and I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions. The more research I did, the more anger I experienced. I’m not an angry person, so this emotion is new for me. After talking with family and friends and giving myself time to digest everything, I decided to use all this negative energy and put it toward something positive. That is when I decided to create this blog.

I’ve battled health issues my entire life. Back in 2009, when I was 18 years old, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Later that year, my pediatric rheumatologist prescribed me the medication Lyrica. I’ve been on this medication for seven years now, and this entire time I thought this medication was improving my quality of life. Little did I know, this medication slowly started deteriorating my mind and body.

Over the last 6-12 months I’ve experienced some new symptoms, as well as the worsening of preexisting symptoms. My cognitive abilities have been affected, which has been really evident in school. In discussing my troubles with my therapist, she suggested I see a neurologist. When I went to see this new neurologist, she suspected that Lyrica was the source of most, if not all, of my problems.

At first, I was scared. My body has always had a difficult time adjusting to the elimination or addition of new medications. I feared that getting off of this medication would be a struggle. Then, I started to think of life apart from this medication. This medication helps my pain. I’ve been trying to get off of it for four years, but due to the pain, I’ve only been able to get down to taking 75mg 2x/day. This gave me a lot of anxiety, but I knew God would carry me through.

It wasn’t until I started researching the medication that I became angry. This drug has ruined peoples lives. I came to realize that my continued health problems over the last seven years are most likely nothing more than side effects from this drug. The more I thought about everything I’ve been through over the last seven years, the more my anger grew.

However, I decided that I will no longer let this drug destroy my life. It will take a while to work through all the emotions that are associated with the acceptance of this entire situation. In the mean time, I plan to use this blog as a therapeutic tool to help me process everything. At the same time, this gives me the opportunity to spread awareness to others, in hopes that no one else will have to experience everything I’ve been through.

I started questioning everything and asking myself all sorts of questions: Am I crazy? Do I have my priorities straight? Am I being careless? Am I taking responsibility? Am I being insensitive? Am I trying to make excuses? Am I being rational? Am I being honest with myself? Am I even trying? Am I making this up? What is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? Why do I feel so stupid?

I cannot trust myself anymore. I don’t know which thoughts are valid. Everything is confusing, and nothing makes sense anymore. This drug has affected every aspect of my life. It has affected me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It has robbed me of so much, but I wont’t go down without a fight.

I firmly believe that nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. There is a reason for everything. If nothing else, everything I go through prepares me for what lies ahead and places me in a position to be of service to God and my fellows. I will continue to dig for silver linings, even if I have to mine for them.